Life is like taking a shit. It really is.
Most of the time it’s easy. Just like life in the toilet. And sometimes it gets tough as you get constipated. I get a lot of shit from my life. Parents, teachers, friends. I take it from most of them quietly. Why lie about me being confrontational and all. Yes I take it sitting down. I’m a problem solver. I prefer to solve my problems rather than make a huge fuss.
Other than that, I make myself feel better by talking a whole lot of shit about people who give me grief. But most of the time I take it. Because I know. You see. You can’t fight life. You can’t fight God.
So you see? When things get tough life is really like being constipated. The grief will pass. It always does. Everything just passes. You gotta wait it out. That’s the only option and enjoy your life and make sure you don’t make mistakes that get you constipated in the first place. And get it over with quickly. Just the way you should when you get constipated. It’s of no use extending the misery you’re already in. Face your fears and your pain. Soon it will be a distant memory.
Other than that. Just don’t waste your brain cells fighting. Put them to good use and solve the problem. Then sit back and relax. Read a few books. Move on.
I miss home. I hurt. Not the debilitating mind-numbing kind. But the kind that makes me want to badger my Mom and Dad until they talk to me all the time. I don’t really understand how my parents can be this “thou shall be independent” type of people. I mean sending your daughter across oceans and continents would be considered blasphemy by most mullahs. Why can’t they just be the regular kind of parents, locking-me-in-my-room-and-throwing-away-the-key and/or marrying-me-off-at-a-young-age-and-still-keeping-an-eye-on-me-kinda-parents!? Who needs all this education!? No one. I should be at home, under my comforter, away from all this crazy extreme weather (where even in summers you have 5 C with windchill). No this is not ok. Argh okkkk okkkkk not going to be ungrateful anymore.
I miss home though. Seriously. I miss the energy. The chaos. The madness. The whole people-dying-left-and-right. Ok ok won’t go down the whole black humor road. But look at this place. Where else would I find books for under $0.20 cents!? Here!
I miss the food. I miss my workplace. I miss our lunches, where we would eat grease-drenched and completely unhygienic food (that makes anyone but the true Pakistani sick to their stomach). I miss my mom’s home cooked food. Her creative flare. Her genius.
I miss my friends.
And I miss these guys.
I left the biggest, most important pieces of myself behind. I can’t wait to go back in December and dive right back into who I was for a short while. Until then, let this city’s heart beat without me for a bit.
Ever get the feeling that life is in the midst of a not-so-subtle course correction? That things are changing and you’re standing in the eye of the cyclone. Calm. Still. When everything else is in a whirlwind and things are changing everywhere for you? Ever felt that way? My life’s in the midst of an upheaval. Not the bad kind though. Its like every piece of my life is moving and taking its rightful place finally. Its the feeling of fixing the right puzzle piece in the right place in the bigger picture. That ‘click’ as the piece snaps into place, that just tells you that this is where this piece is meant to go.
“Meant to be”, “fits”, “fate”,”destiny”, just words most people might not believe in. I do though. Some things are just the way they are supposed to be. Some things are meant to happen. I’ve fought all my life for control over my destiny, and its not like I didn’t manage to do the things that I wanted to do. I did. I just didn’t have the peace of mind that I was hoping to have while doing it. And thats the thing. It’s not that you can’t break away from destiny and do the things you want to do; a lot of people aren’t even lucky enough to have an inkling of their destiny. I wonder why though. I think when a child comes into this world, he ought to be given signposts as to where his life is headed and where he will find peace and in doing what. Then if he wants to break away and do something else, he can. Everyone should be given a sneak peek into The Plan. That way maybe so many of us wouldn’t take so long in finding inner peace. We wouldn’t have to fight everyday of our lives only to realize maybe we were better off doing something else.
Most people don’t get a second chance like I did. I’m the luckiest person in the world and I intend to make the most of it. I’m still pretty much clueless as to what I really want to do with my life, but I’m getting there. Helping people pleases me. Studying them too. Problem solving is my forte. I took the career counseling test and the results I got were as conflicted as I am: Criminologist, Computer Programmer or Psychologist. Jeez! What to do!? Wing it I guess. Get done, get out and see what you FEEL like doing. There might not be many opportunities for a person like me in Pakistan, but in the States, I could do whatever I felt like, whenever I felt like it. I didn’t fit in there but over here, I don’t have to. Design today, counsel the next, program the day after! The land of opportunities right? I certainly hope so!
I got a job! Finally! I’m so excited and happy! Maybe things won’t look so down anymore! I started work in Tech Support in my uni last week. I work as a Student Technology and Resource Specialist. I know its a fancy name for someone who helps you learn how to use softwares and make your computer work. It’s pretty quiet around here though because it’s summer and everyones gone on their break. One downside of working here is that I don’t get to visit my family in summer anymore. Ever. Not for the next 4 years or until that I choose to work here at least.
I was so nervous and upset because I’d been to almost every department in the university of my interest and no one was giving me a job and I desperately needed one (International students can only work on campus you see). I went to the Library, to the Graphics department (I hate them because they never even called back), I went everywhere and no one called. I then discovered the Digital Learning Center in Tech Support who helped students learn softwares that they were not equipped to know and I thought “Well, best of both worlds right?”. I do love to teach. I do know my shit when it comes to softwares people might want to learn. I am good with computers. And for everything else there is Google. So that’s where I headed looking for a job. This confidence just seemed to flood me as I went from department to department looking for a job. I walked into Tech Support and asked who I should talk to for a job and they called my new and shiny boss out. She came out and asked me when I would be available for an interview and I said right now. She laughed. She saw my CV, went in and came out 2 minutes later asking me to step in for an interview. I was shocked. But it worked apparently.
I haven’t given many interviews in my life. I remember giving one for my internship in Pakistan. One for the first job I ever had after graduating. Two for the second job I held onto for the next few years. And this was the US. I didn’t know what to expect so I decided to wing it and be honest. I was myself. I got the job!
It’s been a week now since I’ve been working and it’s been a tad slow but its amazing. I feel like I’m doing something with my life and am getting a move on. It’s been fun for now. Helping people with their systems. Teaching them how to use their computers and helping solve problems. I love it!
Good stuff started happening soon after. A bit too late but things started rolling in. The lady from International services asked me to apply for a position. The thing though is, most people are only nice to you when you do something for them and don’t expect anything in return. Which is great, but I’d like to be respected as a human being even without having to do things for other people. I remember I was desperate for a job and this lady had promised to help me. I had forwarded my resume to her and she never even responded. And here she was now being nice to me (which I later figured out was because she wanted me to do something for her). It really puts some things in perspective for you. I realized of course that I could and should never rely on her to solve my problems. They seem so benevolent but they always want something in return.
Anyways, finals began. I did well. I loved my psych class. Its such a misfortune that my professor is leaving on a sabbatical. I’m really gonna miss taking his class. He won the Professor of the year award too! Well, hopefully when he comes back, I’ll take all the psych classes I can possibly take with him. On the day of the last exam (which I didn’t HAVE to take but did anyway), I finally scored a 100 and he called me up to his desk and asked me what the hell I was doing 😛 It was nice. A second later he offered me a job. Now this job, I wish I could have taken. The opportunity to work with him would have been mind-bogglingly awesome. Unfortunately, since its the psych department, only work-study kids could apply for the job (whose salary would be paid by the government and not the department itself). Nevertheless, my professor asked me to get an Assistantship so I could work with him. Ahhhh happiest day of my life. Anyways, life’s good. I moved into my new house too and everything’s going pretty smooth and well for now. Thank ye God! Anyways more later!