You don’t know me well enough to be able to feel the rich texture of the tapestry that is my life. You don’t feel the rough coarseness of the bad patches, or the light silkyness as the good patch as it slips through your fingers. You don’t have the ability to see the complexity as the threads weave into each other, some appearing and others disappearing. You can’t see the bigger picture, the beauty of the tapestry coming together that forms my whole being and you can’t see the embellishments and the details of the stitch up close. You can’t feel the grain of the paint that’s been roughly splotched on to my canvas and you can’t appreciate the fineness of the gradient as one color blends into the next. You can’t feel the damage or the rips or the wear-and-tear of my most treasured bits of my life. I covet this damage. It has made me who I am today.

What you see is a blur of my tapestry. You see it the way the world sees the Mona Lisa; a seemingly inconspicuous ugly painting blurred by the bullet-proof glass it is protected by. I am not inconspicuous. I am not insignificant. I am not a blur. I am sharp. I am powerful. I know what and who I am and I am better than you are because I am aware of myself. Because I can think. Because I have depth. Because I am flawed and I know it and I accept it and I can improve myself.

And if you can’t see that about me; then you don’t deserve me in the first place.

Ancillary Justice

“If you’re going to do something that crazy, save it for when it’ll make a difference,”

Excerpt From: Ann Leckie. “Ancillary Justice.”

This book is one that can only be classified as an epic Sci-Fi. It felt like it was setting up for a long haul and that you should probably stick around for the next few books. It was different enough to be interesting. It was about how spaceships were controlled by omnipotent and omniscient Artificial Intelligence. It is about politics and revolution in a science fiction setting.

It is about an Artificial Intelligence being betrayed by a dictator who in itself is another Artificial Intelligence. It’s a game of cat-and-mouse that is being played over aeons by two splinters of the AI dictator and the AI which is the protagonist of the book is used as a pawn and it takes it upon itself to make the fact that the dictator is split known to the world. Admittedly, there was a certain dept to the book and I think, for me personally, it will require a re-read sometime during the future. Since the concept was new and the avenues explored were quite unique, the book was a little difficult to digest at first and needs a little more concentration and deliberation.

Overall, it was an interesting read. I thought it could have been made more interesting. The switching from flashback to the present and vice-versa was kind of too quick and abrupt and left me kind of reeling from what felt like whiplash. I realized it was setting up for a trilogy or a saga so I guess I will have to read the rest of the books to figure out the gaping loop-holes that it left in the narrative.

Dark Matter

Nothing exists.All is a dream.

God – man – the world- the sun, the moon, the wilderness

of stars – a dream. all a dream; they have no existence.

Nothing exists save empty space – and you….

And you are not you – you have no body, no blood, no

bones, but you are but a thought.

Mark Twain

This was a decent book. The premise was interesting enough and most of the book was a mild read. Nothing earth-shattering. It had some good bits but most of it was just bland. I’d read it if I couldn’t find something spectacular to read. I don’t know if what I say from this point onwards is a spoiler or not, but how the plot was going to unravel was pretty obvious to me from the beginning.

It’s about a guy who gets kidnapped by some other version of himself that has managed to invent a machine that can allow him to cross over to parallel universes because he didn’t like the life he was leading in the other universe. Some things in it made sense. Some just got lost in translation from science to fiction. Read it if you wish. Everything was pretty bland from my point of view.

Me Before You

The problem with Goodreads is that no where on the website will it tell you the genre a book belongs to, like specifically. So that I can take one glance at the genre and reject the book outright. Hence, I got duped into believing the super-high rating this book had  was because the book had some substance and I picked it up at Target (an impulse-buy that I allow myself at least once a month). It should suffice to say that I HATE romance novels. They’re everything I believe to be wrong with the women in our world. They fill our heads with unrealistic expectations of the men in our world and make us feel like nothing is good enough. Instead of teaching women to become the “man” they have been waiting for, they teach us that we need to rely on someone else to take care of us. That we need someone else to push us into being amazing. Why is it that these books never have a supportive family that is pushing you into pursuing your dreams. Why are families always shown as the people who hold you back? What bullshit is this? Where is the reality?

Feminists should boycott these books.

Rich damaged man, poor foolish woman. Meet. Fall in love. Insert conflict. End with tragedy. I hate these formula books and this book was one of those to the core. It started off decently enough but about halfway through it I could have told you exactly how the story was going to progress. It was worse than most of the cliched books out there. If you are into that sort of things, great. If not, avoid this book like the plague. It was an utter disappointment. My fault entirely, because I quit reading soppy crap like this a long time because I thought they were playing on my emotions to bring me down and making me feel weak and I didn’t need anymore of that in my life than I already had. No body needs books that leave them feeling like crap and wishing they had someone else’s life. No one deserves that. Books should be uplifting and inspiring. This was just another version of Twilight grounded in a world that looked a shade similar to ours.