I know it’s been ages since I wrote anything on here. Sometimes, however, real life takes priority over the digital one or the one that you live inside of your head. A lot has been going on in my life that has required some specialized attention.
Sometimes as a teenager, I would lie in bed and wonder where my life was going to go, who I was going to become, and who, if anyone, I was going to meet in my life who was going to stay in it forever. And although, I did figure out the answer to my first two questions in the next couple of years, it took me another decade to finally find the answer to the last. I made mistakes, I gave up, I met people I thought were going to stick around forever and who didn’t. I always just wondered if I would ever live a normal life; a life where someday I could say “I was just like the rest”; that I had finally conformed. But God has always had different plans for me. Life has been a struggle; like wrestling with a hippopotamus. But once life becomes easy, I’ve always gotten bored. There was no way God was going to let me do anything in life without breaking at least a million rules.
God is weird. He makes strange and unsettling decisions for us and expects us to adjust. He throws such wrenches into our plans, that I’m surprised we get anything done. But I guess it’s a good way of getting our heads out of our asses. It’s also a great way of ensuring that we don’t get bored. Boredom kills and it can only be revived by constantly having to battle against life.
The strangeness of being the person I became, however, should have warned me, a long time back, that my life was not ever going to go according to any plan I contrived. I am not traditionally inclined; my parents didn’t raise me to be. I am most unladylike. I am loud and obnoxious and not entirely stupid. None of these things allows me to be classified as a woman who would “fit in” to what our society expects. I was always going to remain at the fringes when it came to our society. But then, what is deemed controversial in one society, is applauded in another. And even though no rishte wali Aunty could possibly help me, my mom never gave up hope. However, no matchmaker was a match for my unconventional existence. Believe me, my mother tried very hard. My mom believes in fate though and to an extent, so do I. So we’ll call it that. Rest assured that I am happy now that I’ve met my “fate.” So is my mom. I feel like a burden has been taken off of them. They were starting to question their child-rearing decisions. I don’t think they did too bad though, as parents. They did ready us kids for the world. It’s just that that world wasn’t Pakistan.
All in all, lifes good and as mundane as I can possibly tolerate without loosing my mind to boredom. I got a new job that I love, that motivates and inspires me to learn; that makes my mind churn. That makes me doubt my abilities and yet, when I overcome those doubts and the obstacles it throws in my life, it rewards me with a euphoric exuberance that takes weeks to dissipate. What more could I possibly want?
Well, having a cat would be nice.